just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
