I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
