doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
