2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
