FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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