am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
