ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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