He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
