do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
