this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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