it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
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Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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