He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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