i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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