idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
