People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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