are you so shy because you have an std?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
