Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
