I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
