Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
