He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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