i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
