love makes seman taste better
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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