Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
