phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
