i was born a porn star she said
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
