Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
