I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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