You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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