i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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