That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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