You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
