I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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