You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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