Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
