After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
