Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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