Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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