be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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