I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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