i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
