How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
