I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
