Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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