So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
