You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
