Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
