I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
