I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
