I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
