Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
