seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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