my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
