Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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