i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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